The Unsinkable Taste of Cheerio's

I've never been fond of cereal for breakfast. I didn't dislike it, I just never craved it...that is until two months ago when I started eating Honey Nut Cheerios. Who created this? If I wasn't already married, I'd marry whoever made the final decision to stock the shelves with the stuff. When I eat it I'm constantly amazed at how incredibly delicious it is. Those sweet little O's pack plenty for your taste buds.

I've posted before about my love of peanut butter. I refuse to have any in the house because in one seating I would finish off the entire jar. I'm afraid to say that I am now craving Cheerios all day long to the point that I haven't given peanut butter much thought.

For breakfast I have 2 bowls. I finish the 1st bowl but leave plenty of milk for a 2nd bowl. After the 2nd bowl I finish off the milk.

For lunch do exactly the same as breakfast

For a mid afternoon snack I know I should grab some fruit, but instead it's another 2 bowls.

Maurice usually comes home and cooks dinner, so there's no Cheerios at that time, but before I go to bed I frequently have another bowl. Add those up and you get 6-7 bowls a day.

Unlike peanut butter, I've made no attempt at all to curb my appetite so that I don't eat so much of the Cheerio's. Peanut butter, as everyone knows, is loaded with fat. More than Cheerios. In addition, Cheerios advertises that they may reduce you're cholesterol. So it can't be that bad for me, could it? My cholesterol levels always come out fine when they are tested, but good or not, I would never be able to pull myself away from them.

As most of you know, I attend AA because of my drug and alcohol problems. I've been sober for 6 years. I'm concerned, however, about this new addition to cheerios. There's no alcohol in them, and I certainly haven't added any drugs to the cereal. You'll never see me spreading white powder on my cereal. Is this intense craving dangerous. I'm sure it's put on a few pounds, which I'll know for sure after my next weigh in at Weight Watchers.

I have plenty more to add, however, Maurice and I need to go to the grocery store. We have no food in the house at all. Of course, I will be buying more of my Honey Nut cereal.

Depression, Depression, Depression

I apologize for starting the blog back up and then left one post alone for the entire week. As many of you know, I love to blog, but it is extremely difficult when I'm having a very low depression for a couple of weeks.

My goal has always been to post every day except for Saturday or Sunday. Since I only made one post, I'm setting a goal of posting two days next week, and so on and so on...

Hopefully when the funk clears that I don't go into a mega manic state. It may feel better, but it's a bit too crazy for me.

Where'd the Corn Man Go?

I've been down a bit lately. Not depressed, just sad. Why? The Corn Man is gone. When he was around I know I took him for granted. I probably only bought from him about one night each week, but it was a pleasure to hear him every day.

He arrived at our apartment complex at different times each day, but if you were home, there was no missing him. He would stand out behind the apartment building and holler that he was there. He always yelled in Spanish so I have no clue what he was saying, His voice was always hoarse so it probably was hard to understand Spanish speaking or not. Despite not understanding what he said, his voice was as comfortable as curling up under an afghan on a cold winter night.

The days I did choose to buy from him it was exciting to run down to the first floor to find him parked out back. There was no missing his rusted red, beat up truck. He had plenty of items to sell. Toys and trinkets hung down inside his truck. Mexican treats were available too. But, I didn't care at all about any of that junk. All I ever wanted was some of his corn. Hmmmm, his yummy decadent corn.

It was fun to watch him fix my corn. He'd reach into his cooler and grab a warm piece of corn on a stick. He then would spoon some kind of concoction all over every bit of the corn. Sometimes a little would splatter on me, I couldn't imagine complaining ,though, afterall he was making me one of his beautiful masterpieces. I have no idea what the first thing he was smearing on my corn. Someone once told me that it was mayonaise with a bunch of other flavors added to it. I'm not sure if that was true. It didn't taste like mayo at all. Probably only the Corn Man really knew.

Now it was time for the butter. He would lather the corn completely in a melted delightful buttery mess. The final thing he did before handing the corn over was to sprinkle just a smidgen of ground peppers on it. He would ask me twice each time I told him I'd like the peppers on it. My guess is it probably was too much for most gringos, but to me it was the icing on the cake.

I never knew how much he would charge me. That was part of the excitement. One day he would charge me $5.50 and the next day it would be $2.00. I don't know why there were such fluctuating prices. I guessed it probably had a lot to do with how much gas he needed to get home that evening.

Finally, the best part. After paying for it, he would hand the corn over and immediately butter would start sliding off the corn onto my hand. The only way to make it back to your apartment without leaving piles of butter trailed behind you was to lick some off the top of your hand and then run like crazy to the kitchen. This was not a product that you'd consider eating on good furniture or over carpeting. It had to be eaten while standing up in the kitchen.

Oh it was so delicious. Half the butter would slide down into my beard as I ate it, but I didn't care. It was impossible to put down. It only took minutes to eat it, and that always made me hunger for more but he'd be gone. Off to another apartment complex yelling his gibberish to let the tenants who lived there know it was their turn to buy some corn.

I don't know what ever happened to the Corn Man. Did the health department finally catch up with his truck? Did he slip on butter and has been in a coma ever since. I like to think more positively about it. Maybe he earned enough to get a home in Beverly Hills or Bel Aire.

I don't know where you are Mr. Corn Man, but I hope to hear you yelling gibberish again. You will always have a special place in my heart. I will always hope that one day you will return.

Another Interview

When I first started this blog, about a year ago, I interviewed myself as an introduction to my blog. Now that I'm restarting it, I figure I should do the same. So, here we go:

What is your favorite color: green or blue, it depends on the lighting.

When was the last time you had a drink: As a member of AA, I've been completely clean and sober for almost 6 years.

Gay or Straight? Gay and out of the closet and loving the life I have.

Married or Single: Maurice and I exchanged our vows two years ago. "Official" state law says we aren't married, but fuck them. Our minister conducted the ceremony. It was small but very moving.

If you could go back in time, where would you go? I'd go back to the time of Christ to see what really happened.

Do you have any children?Yes, I have a beautiful 13 year old daughter who lives in the midwest with her mom.

When were you diagnosed as bipolar: For years I'd been diagnosed as chronic depressive, but last year I was finally diagnosed as being bipolar. My meds are working tremendously

Do you have any siblings: Yes, we had 7 children in my house. I'm was the youngest . Both of my parents and one brother are now deceased.

Where do you work? I've been on disability for 3 years. It started because I was having

seizures. Checking for those, it was determined I'm bipolar. It was no surprise to me.

What are you life plans: In January I'll begin college and will be trained as a Drug and Alcohol counselor, once that happens I'll go to seminary to become a Unitarian Universalist Minister Total college ahead of me is about 8 years (sigh) My goal is to become a minister, however, if I find I really enjoy counseling, then I may continue that instead.

What is a Unitarian Universalist: If you really want to know, then follow this link: http://www.uua.org/ We were considered Heathens by the churches 500 years ago. Today some still consider us heathens. Many of us take pride in that.

Where all have you lived: Niles Michigan; Greensburg PA; High Point NC: Omaha Ne: Scottsdale, AZ; Las Vegas, NV; Northern California and now Southern California (Los Angeles)

What's your favorite thing to do? I'm stuck at home most of the time so I'll say surfing the net. Outdoors my favorite activity is to go to the beach.

What's your biggest fear: Clowns scare the shit out of me.

What's your favorite tv show: I watch very little tv, but Law & Order SVU has me under it's spell. I also love Lost.

That's it for now. As I've said, I've made a commitment to myself and now I'm making it to you - that I'll be posting at least 3 - 5 days each week.

Look It's Really Me again

Wow, I didn't realize how damn long it's been since I actually wrote something for this blog. I apologize for the couple of times I said I was coming back, but didn't. It's because I was playing around in other online games, such as Second Life. I've had fun, but I've now grown weary of them. During this entire time I missed blogging more and more every day. I have no excuses other than taking the time to search the net to learn what else I can do.

I have no idea where to begin since it's been so long, Here's a quick rundown. Currently I'm having pretty severe loss of memory, but I'll try and get as much down as I can:

Change of pdoc. As I've said time and time again, I loved my pdoc. Unfortunately she has filled her resident status and moved away. She is replaced by a grumbly older guy. He's nice but has made an appointment for next month. My old pdoc saw me once a week. This makes me a little nervous. I'm hoping he takes good care of me with the meds but assigns me to a good person for therapy

Recently we've seen:
XMen Origins: Woverine: Transformers 2: Terminator Salvation; Up; Monster vs Aliens ; 9, and The Day the Earth Stood Still.

I get surprised to hear I had already seen these movies, I can't remember the story line, the actors. Hell, I don't even remember being in the theaters,

I have no concept of date and time. for instance, I thought for sure today was Monday, only to be corrected that's it's Friday. Doesnt sound like much, however, I have to ask these type of questions all day

I've started seeing cats and dogs. I'll see our cat run under the kitchen table to hide. I've also felt the cat cuddling up with me in bed. The dog doesn't really do much. He causes no trouble, he just runs around the house. There is one huge problem here: We do not have a cat or dog. When I see these animals and look at them from the corner of my eye they just kind of whisp away kinda like the demons.

I still suffer from dissassociation. When that happens I am terrified to do anything. I'm afraid to touch the walls or counters, or pretty much anything in the house. I'm frightened that I'll find just a gooey substance that my hands would go right through anything in the room. For instance, if I put my ass down on the bed I fear I would sink right down in it. It's an awful feeling and frightening. Fortunately the episodes don't last long. Usually I reach out to a wall and feel safer. If Maurice is around, he'll grab my hands and walk with me around a bit.

Despite all of this, I'm grateful for how far I've come. All the items listed above have been going on for nearly 3 years and most have subsided finally. The only ones I'm dealing with regularly is the disassociation and my spooky cat and dog.

It's Friday and I normally don't post on the weekends. I hope to see you all then.

The Spirit Moves Me

I really miss blogging, but took time off to play on Second Life Again. After about a week I was bored with it and the things we did.

I'm not going to promise that I'm coming back and will work on my blog. But those are my plans. I really love blogging and reading what many of you, my virtual friends, have written

OK, So I Lied

Hi all. Last week I said would be back that week. I did not purposely deceive anyone. I've just become a damn sleeping zombie. I crawl out of bed in the morning and quickly take my pills and then I go back to bed. I wake up again about 2pm and have lunch and then it's back to bed again where I sleep til breakfast and then do all of the above all over again.

So, I'll work with my pdoc to determine what is going on here and hopefully get back on track.


For those of you that have been emailing me to resume my Blog. I finally have. It's a slow state out of the barn right now, but soon she back in order. Any one not familiar with my blog you can check it out at www.howisbradley.com